there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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