If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
