drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
