she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
