Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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