I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's shark week go big or go home
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
