No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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