all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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