every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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