i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
tell me about the fingering
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