what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
