His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
