WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
we should paint friendship bongs
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