if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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