Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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