so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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