ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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