he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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