there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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