girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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