Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
God I need to hump something, right now.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
