Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
