In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i out mim tonsoeep
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