I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
there is puke in my bra ... again
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