how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
