I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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