Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
