Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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