I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
