This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
