I want to walk on stilts...naked
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
