rhymes with "ouble enetration"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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