I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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