I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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