what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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