It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
