Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
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This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
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I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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