He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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