D3 body, D1 cock
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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