I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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