I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Drunk is a universal language darling
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
