I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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