I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
