So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
