Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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