Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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