I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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