If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
