My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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