I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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