You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
