don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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