I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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