do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
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Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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