just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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