I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
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I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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