i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
