What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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