i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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