The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
