Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
