I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
