yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
