I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
