He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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