rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
