i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
