He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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